sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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