Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
