true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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