Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize