Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
