I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize