We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
