You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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