Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
