I puked a lego.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
