I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
