BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
