she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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