ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
