JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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