forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
