fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
