I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
