there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
