i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
