onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
