It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
