And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
