I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
