I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
