I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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