why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
