i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
