Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
