My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
