the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
