I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
