i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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