Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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