BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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