I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
