She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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