i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
