Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
