I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
