i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize