Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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