i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
