Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
