He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
