is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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