You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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