Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it penis luge time yet?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
