well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
