I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
