I just made out with a guy for $7.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize