so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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