you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
