Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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