I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
