Plan B is the new Plan A
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
