Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
