i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
