I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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