dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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