I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
