Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
