Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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