A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This is the high leading the old right now
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up under a house in Key West
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
