Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
