OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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