Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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