exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
