very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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