I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize