why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
